This is how I do pizza. And don’t you dare give...

12:55 pm - Tue, Jul 12, 2011: 58 notes

This is how I do pizza.

And don’t you dare give me any “Oh, it’s a vegetarian pizza! What are you, some kind of hippie?” bullshit. No, motherfucker. It’s not a vegetarian pizza. I love meat. Meat is the fucking king. I kill things and I eat them and I don’t feel bad about it afterward unless it gives me the runs. However, I don’t always dig an assload of meat on my plate; so when I want a quick and easy dinner that doesn’t involve frying up the fucking stockyard in my freezer, I chop up some delicious and leafy and green and healthy vegetables and I throw them on a pizza and it comes out looking pretty and tasting delicious.

Because I’m merely a budding novice in the culinary arts, I don’t have the balls to try and make my own pizza dough yet. Instead I buy a plain and simple three-dollar cheese pizza from my local grocer, bring it home and pop it in the oven for fifteen minutes. While it’s baking, I chop up all kinds of fun, fresh things—spinach, tomatoes, mushrooms, bell peppers, olives, green onions and avocado (I am a staunch supporter of putting avocado on fucking EVERYTHING. And I’m not even from Florida, or wherever the fuck it is that they grow that shit. I just know it’s awesome.) Sometimes I’ll add bacon or—if I’m feeling squirrely and have plans to give my boyfriend some serious dutch ovens later—broccoli.

Don’t forget to add extra cheese. Lots and lots of fucking cheese. Wait until after you’ve added the vegetables though, as the cheese will help weigh them down and keep them in place. Pop that cheesy, glorious motherfucker back in the oven for another ten minutes and it should be ready for inhalation. It’s an inexpensive, easy dinner that anyone, even a fucking kitchen rookie like me, can accomplish and enjoy.