Delicious Food or Obnoxious Vampires? YOU DECIDE!...

3:39 pm - Wed, Mar 30, 2011: 43 notes

Delicious Food or Obnoxious Vampires? YOU DECIDE!
One of my most vivid food memories is seeing mashed potatoes on my plate peppered with sparkly, toxic Teflon® flakes that had been whipped into them as the mixer scraped the finish off the pan. You know what else sparkles? Emo vampires like that asshole Marcel from Top Chef. Take your hipster foam and cram it in your pants, you pretentious douche. It’s not rocket science, but it’s science, nonetheless. DON’T EAT SPARKLY TOXIC FLAKES!

You can get some adorable cookware at K-Mart in the twenty dollar range that will ruin your food and poison your family, or you can invest in cookware that will cook your food with evenly distributed heat and zero toxins.

The best options for cookware are stainless steel, anodized aluminum, enameled cast iron and glass. All distribute heat evenly and do not poison your food in the process. You don’t even have to shell-out a wad of cash for the big guns like Calphalon, All Clad and Le Creuset. There are plenty of lower cost alternatives. Keep in mind, the heavier the pan, the less likely it will kill you. Unless you’re a dick who invites skillet beatings.

If you’re going to spend money on good food, don’t cook it in toxic pans, dickweed. —Julia Child