Carb-free Pizza (an original recipe that I invented about three minutes ago)
Ingredients:
- a half-empty bag of pre-sliced pepperoni that you don’t remember buying, but it doesn’t smell too bad so it’s probably OK
- string cheese
- a complete dearth of self-respect
Instructions:
1.) Stand over your kitchen sink and pause for a moment, so you can later convince yourself that you hesitated before doing this and hopefully salvage a scrap of dignity.
2.) Open the bag of pepperoni and discard that little thing that you’re not supposed to eat.
3.) Unwrap the string cheese.
4.) Cram about a dozen slices of pepperoni in your mouth. Follow with a bite of string cheese.
5.) Chew, allowing your tears of self-loathing to aid in the digestive process.
6.) Repeat until you are out of cheese, pepperoni, and will to live.
Notes
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